Healing eczema and your gut

My tryst with eczema began during my university years around 2011, emerging on the thumb and index finger of my dominant hand. The demands of a hands-on Product Design degree amplified the struggle, with patches of skin incessantly itching, opening up lesions that refused to stop bleeding. Every touch hurt; every graze burned. The second episode unfolded in Shanghai as a small patch on my face while I hustled through the techscape as an entrepreneur and then a large corporate employee. Then, in 2018, I went to war with my skin. Eczema launched a full-scale assault on my right hand (and occasionally the left) for two relentless years.

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Living with eczema was more than painful; it was physically and emotionally exhausting. Tired, agitated, and withdrawn from social life, my emotional state, already strained by a demanding and stressful career in—ironically—health and consumer genetics, was further exacerbated by eczema. The condition seemed to amplify everything. Coping with the pain and discomfort day in and out drained my energy and emotional bandwidth, leaving little room for much else. Above all, there's an overpowering sense of shame and embarrassment associated with skin that appears unhealthy and repulsive to some—an emotional burden that can be a lot for any human to endure.

Determined to find relief, I embarked on a quest to heal my skin. I explored various remedies, from Traditional Chinese Medicine to unconventional practices like dunking my hands in petroleum jelly and sleeping with them in cotton gloves. I experimented with topical steroid creams and, as a last resort, dabbled in pharmaceutical drugs. Despite my initial resistance, desperation compelled me to embrace conventional medicine for a brief period until it became evident how unsustainable it was.

At that time, Topical Steroid Withdrawal (TSW) wasn't in my vocabulary. However, with each attempt to discontinue steroid creams, my eczema flared with an insistent itch and burning sensation, aligning with the symptoms of TSW. High school memories echoed caution, as my teacher's battle with Redbull addiction led to hospitalisation due to severe withdrawal symptoms. Aware that reliance on Western medicine could cause withdrawal symptoms and compromise our immune response, I was determined to adopt a 'natural' approach and explore holistic solutions.

Deep within, I had a gut feeling that conventional approaches overlooked the root cause of eczema. I was very fortunate to live in New York City at a time when the study of the human microbiome was exploding mainstream. Exposure to this emerging science provided me with a foundational understanding of the crucial role of gut health. It wasn't until later, during my quest for holistic solutions to eczema, that I stumbled upon research articles linking the condition to a leaky gut (intestinal permeability). It was a no-brainer what I needed to do next: fix my gut barrier.

I feel compelled to share my journey after several individuals reached out for help, ever since I began to speak publicly about my eczema journey. Before diving into the specifics of my healing journey, let's establish a scientific foundation behind the eczema detox.

Forget genetics

It’s easy to blame bad genes for our problems, but the science is clear: genetics only accounts for approximately 20~30% of our overall health outcomes. Moreover, recent studies suggest an even lower percentage, often less than 10%, with an increased understanding of genetics and epigenetics. For the majority of diseases, including many cancers, diabetes, and Alzheimer's, the genetic contribution is limited to around 5~10% at best. The belief that our genetics are the primary determinant suggests that our fate is written into the stars and denies us a world of opportunities for a better and healthier future. Factually, we have much more control than we think.

The role of our microbiome

We are less human than we think—there are more bacterial cells in our body than there are human cells. According to a 2016 study, the total count of bacterial cells to human cells is approximately in a ratio of 1.3:1. This means there is more bacterial DNA than human DNA. What does DNA do? It contains the instructions needed for an organism to survive, function and reproduce. Every single cell in our body influences human physiology, metabolism, nutrition and immune function. With around 30~50 trillion microbial cells in a human, from as many as 1,000 different species, the microbes in our body are essentially running the show. The microbiome influences not only gut health but also whole-body health through its connections to immunity, inflammation, blood pressure, obesity, brain function and longevity. Everything is interconnected; there is nothing that our microbiome does not touch and control. The good news is that, similar to training our muscles, we can actually train our gut.

Healthy gut vs leaky gut

The mucous lining of our gut serves as a crucial barrier between our gastrointestinal tract and the rest of our body. A healthy gut barrier is designed to efficiently absorb and transfer nutrients—such as water, vitamins, and minerals—from our food to the rest of our body through the bloodstream. However, a compromised gut, often referred to as a 'leaky gut,' allows more than what is needed to 'leak' into the bloodstream. In this condition, the usually tightly knit cells of the intestines become porous, allowing undigested food particles, toxins and harmful microorganisms to pass through. Consequently, the body initiates an inflammatory response to combat these foreign invaders. As a result, the body's immunity becomes chronically weakened having to engage in a constant battle with itself 24/7, diminishing its ability to effectively respond to real threats, such as viruses and increasing risks that impact long-term health issues.

Source: Dr. Vincent Pedre

Source: Microbiome Labs

The role of a healthy gut

A healthy gut refers to the integrity of a digestive system that functions optimally where the microorganisms coexist in a balanced ecosystem that is essential to optimal well-being. It plays a crucial role in several key jobs:

1. Immune system modulation

2. Metabolism

3. Colonisation resistance (i.e. protects against infections)

4. Gastrointestinal motility

5. Gut integrity

6. Mitochondrial function

7. Nutrient absorption

8. Xenobiotic/drug metabolism

9. Production of short-chain fatty acids

10. Inflammatory response regulation

11. Blood glucose control

12. Mood regulation

13. Brain function

14. Ageing

Gut dysbiosis

Gut microorganisms, collectively known as the microbiota or gut flora, consist predominantly of bacteria, viruses, fungi and other microbes. Gut dysbiosis means there is an imbalance of microorganisms in the gastrointestinal tract where typically there is an overgrowth of pathogenic microorganisms (the bad) and pathbionts (the ugly) over their beneficial counterparts (the good). An imbalance of microbiota can alter immune function and speed up disease. Given that our microbiome is a complex ecosystem with a multitude of drivers that impact its physiology, some of the key factors that contribute to dysbiosis are:

1. Antibiotics: Antibiotics disturb the balance of gut bacteria by indiscriminately targeting both harmful and beneficial microbes.

2. Pharmaceutical Drugs: Certain drugs can disrupt the environment of the gastrointestinal (GI) tract.

3. Dietary Factors: A diet high in sugar and processed foods, low in fibre, or lacking in diversity can negatively impact the gut flora.

4. Stress: Chronic stress influences the gut-brain axis, affecting the composition of the gut microbiota.

5. Lifestyle Factors: Inadequate physical activity and other lifestyle factors contribute to the development of gut dysbiosis.

6. Age: The composition of the microbiota can change with age.

There is a growing list of diseases strongly associated with gut dysbiosis including alcoholic liver disease, antibiotic-associated diarrhoea, coeliac disease, Chron’s disease, ulcerative colitis, irritable bowel syndrome, SIBO, liver diseases, and non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. Other non-gut conditions associated with dysbiosis include Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, anxiety and depression, asthma, eczema, autism, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (CFS/ME), kidney disease, kidney stones, metabolic syndrome, multiple sclerosis, obesity, Rheumatoid arthritis, Type I diabetes and Type II diabetes.

The key takeaway is that cultivating a healthy and well-balanced microbiota is crucial for optimal health and longevity. This understanding provides a compelling motivation to take actionable steps and train our gut towards improved health outcomes. This principle forms the foundation of The Eczema Diet, the transformative approach that played a pivotal role in my complete recovery from a two-year battle with eczema.

I express my deep gratitude to Karen Fischer for the carefully crafted detox program as a result of her meticulous research on nutrition and eczema. The world of microbiome research and all those who have contributed towards this field are all heroes guiding us towards a healthier future. While we have never met, thank you for helping me eradicate eczema from my life.

The Eczema Diet

This is a three-stage detox program focused on enhancing gut health by reducing the body’s chemical load, facilitating liver detoxification, restoring pH balance and optimizing the ratio of essential fatty acids. Here is a diagram from the book 'The Eczema Diet,' illustrating how the programme works:

The ultimate goal is to enhance your intestinal barrier, allowing you to function—and feel—like a normal human again. The Eczema Diet, like most dietary plans, is not intended for long-term adherence but rather as a short-term aid in the restoration of your gut barrier. Following the Eczema Diet takes a lot of disciplinary action, but I was able to store my gut barrier through this three-stage process:

• Stage 1: Implementing a restricted diet limited to eczema-healthy foods only (e.g., low to negligible levels of salicylates).

• Stage 2: Gradually reintroducing foods into the diet as symptoms start to disappear.

• Stage 3: Establishing and maintaining a new, healthy, acid-alkaline balanced diet.

I skipped the recommended 3-day liver cleanse and jumped directly to Stage 1, adhering strictly to a consistent diet for one month. Looking back, considering more knowledge around how our body works, I would recommend starting with a liver detox to flush toxins and waste products to promote improved liver function. My initial diet primarily consisted of (many) pears, leeks, Brussels sprouts, white potatoes and chicken thighs—just because it’s tastier than chicken breast. Throughout this initial month, I focused exclusively on the mentioned foods, deliberately avoiding other items even if categorised as Stage 1. The goal was to introduce a limited number of compounds, providing my gut with the best chance of healing. Only in the second month, after seeing tangible improvements in my skin, did I begin incorporating additional foods that are still within the confines of Stage 1. Despite the constraints of using only rice bran oil and Celtic salt, I found the meals to taste rather delicious—particularly when baking the veggies! The challenge with adhering to this diet is when you're out and socialising with friends so I was always meal-prepping and bringing out my food, even to restaurants (call them in advance as a courtesy).

Within the first month, tangible improvements became evident. Despite occasional attempts to introduce foods beyond the Stage 1 list, I found myself reverting to Stage 1 for roughly three months due to worsened symptoms when deviating. By the third month, I was able to reintroduce Stage 2 foods (while maintaining most of Stage 1 elements) without any major flare-ups. Around the sixth month, my gut was confident enough to return to a normal diet. Although you might see progressive improvements during Stage 2, occasional flare-ups may occur. In such instances, I suggest returning to Stage 1 for a brief period to help lower the chemical load and facilitate gut repair. It's also important to understand the triggers behind flare-ups so you can minimise exposure and prevent future episodes until you have recovered completely.

For anyone genuinely seeking improvement in their condition, strict adherence to the diet is imperative. I've witnessed cases where individuals experiment with foods containing moderate to high levels of salicylates, thinking 'just a little bit' will be okay, only to find that their conditions never fully resolve. I liken this to the healing of a physical wound. Imagine having a scab that gets rubbed and jabbed while it's still recovering; each time you impact the wound, you interfere with the healing process and potentially risk infection and further damage.

Knowing countless friends struggling with skin diseases like eczema, and having personally endured it for two years, with intermittent battles over nine years, I hope this offers a clear, science-based path towards healing.

To a healed you,
Jenny

PS: I'm not a medical professional, so please don't take what I'm sharing as medical advice. This is a personal story, with a few references to support the science behind the detox process and how our bodies can thrive or struggle depending on the health of our microbiome.

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Above left to right: hand from two years of eczema to a happy recovered hand :)

Dear 2023

You’ve been the greatest gift that I could have ever asked for. You’ve given me the gift of acceptance and an inner knowing helping to transform the dark night of the soul into an eternal source of light. It is from that place of awakening that I am becoming.

For thirty-two years, I found myself trapped in loop. Everything that I was attracted to were moths disguised as butterflies. I painted the world in colourful rainbows instead of seeing things for what they truly were. I was reckless. I was naive. The truth was that I loved others more than I loved myself. I didn’t know better and didn’t know when to stop. 

It was from that place of constant giving that I finally lost myself. In the wreckage of 2023, I found the lost treasure hidden in the depths of the cold sea. What felt like a sinking ship became the life boat that I needed to rescue those parts of me scattered across the ocean. 

Born from the wreckage was the greatest awakening and I came to life. And through the pilgrimage, I arrived home to place of wholeness and clarity. I feel blessed to have lived so many lives. What a time to be alive!

Thank you, 2023.
💛 Jenny

The tree of life

For an extended period of my life, I nestled in the comforts of my own incubator. There I was, wrestling with the unknown, wanting to emerge, but worried I hadn't quite placed a finger on the pulse of this beast. I was afraid to show up, not knowing what to be.

But if you know what you want to be, then you inevitably become it, and that is your punishment. Oscar Wilde said if you never know what to be, then you can be anything. To be human is to realise that we are alive in a state of becoming. Accepting ourselves as mere nouns dishonours the human experience because growth requires strength and courage. To live is an act of faith and so being human is but a powerful verb in a constant state of evolution.

Be gentle because life is like the evolutionary journey of a tree that starts from a vulnerable seed growing with roots, often tangled and messy, that eventually rises into a beautiful and resilient tree, grounded even in the harshest conditions. Trust in the process with patience and compassion.

With love,
Yours truly.

P.S. I find a lot of joy in gifting cards to those who have touched my heart. Each card comes paired with a song to accompany those thoughts and feelings that I have laid down on paper. I wanted to start sharing the love here as well so I hope you enjoy the soundtrack to this post x

You’re worth it

Three months ago, I cut off a relationship that felt impossible to leave behind. Shortly after, I ran into this person at yoga and finished class by crying down the streets of Wan Chai all the way back to Soho (that’s a 40-minute stroll across Hong Kong).

I took this video (below) to remind myself just how low I felt and to never again allow anyone, especially me, to make me feel invaluable and undeserving.

It’s so easy to share our joy, happiness and success with the world. And it’s so easy to hyper-focus on the “good” that the world sometimes looks too perfect like Barbie Land. But part of being human is to feel fully. Just remember, you are damn worth it and never let anyone make you second guess yourself.

Only my closest confidants know that I tried to take my life last year. I’ve never felt that low. Yeah, it’s not something I’m proud of but I took a lot of lessons away from it. I’m grateful for the relationship because it was one of my greatest teaching moments. Life is too goddamn beautiful and precious to just give it all up, or maybe worse, squander it away.

It’s crazy because that felt like a lifetime ago. I like to think it’s because of how much I’ve grown and how I try to live each day as if it were my last. The rest of the footage was taken at the wedding of my dearest two friends one month after I cried down the streets. No drugs, no alcohol. Pure joy. We were celebrating love, something we need to cherish in a world that has become so cold.

Part of why I’m also sharing this is because I see so many people suffering and withdrawn. We’ve been conditioned to feel fine when we’re not. We don’t want to open up because we don’t want to feel vulnerable. Maybe that’s part of the problem. We think everyone is out to get us. But deep down, I think we all reach for love, not just in the romantic sense but as family, friends and community.

The day I cried down the streets, I ran into a friend who just held me in his arms for an incredibly long moment of silence. We didn’t speak much after and continued down our separate ways. That hug and presence was all I needed.

I hope we can learn to be more present and open with each other. We are species that love love. Go out there and live your life. Hug your loved ones. Hug a stranger. Connect with the greatness out there but don’t be taken advantage of. Love and be kind. ❤️

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Ego vs Soul: listen to your gut

I dedicate this post to my little sister.

It’s easy to follow the path most travelled and conform to the prescripted template of modern society. But if we walk the unconscious path ignoring our intuition, we inflict self-harm and sabotage our own happiness. Burnout manifests, as a result, in our negligence for ourselves and our health (physical, social, mental, emotional and spiritual). It’s a global phenomenon that needs no introduction - burnout is at an all-time high.

There are many reasons why people suffer from burnout. Whether the stress is due to unrealistic expectations, being in a toxic environment, a lack of boundaries or not having tools to manage negative emotions, burnout boils down to one single culprit: the work we’re doing doesn’t lead us to the path of self-actualisation. It manifests when we’re not in alignment with our mind, body and soul. That’s why passion can also lead to burnout. The idea of choosing a job you love so you never have to work a day in your life encourages the dysfunctional idea that you should do more of what you love, even if it kills you. 

When we are in situations that don’t work for us, our body sends the fight or flight response and our nervous system triggers distress signals to help us understand when something is in misalignment. Unlike the five senses focused on the visceral experience of the physical plane, our intuition gives us the capacity to pick up on energies and cues, to feel what our gut tells us, and to trust our inner compass. Our intuition is a subtle yet highly refined sixth sense that we can easily tap into and recognise when we are in touch with the embodied self, but to ignore it is to betray and deny our own existence.

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I’ve been foolish many times when I ignored all the signs. Even though I knew something was wrong, I pushed on with my ego. I feel compelled to share my story after learning about someone close to my heart living with chronic depression, and a few days later, learning about a friend who was at the hospital for a potentially life-threatening condition that is linked to eczema.

I have battled three episodes of eczema during the past 10 years. Every single episode has been linked to stress and a poor lifestyle. While we all have certain genetic predispositions, they only contribute to roughly 20~30% of your overall makeup. There’s a saying that genes load the gun and the environment pulls the trigger because our genetic characteristics aren’t written in stone. Genes can be turned on or off based on our lifestyle choices. 

I took my health for granted because I’ve always been pretty invincible growing up—or at least, I felt invincible—thanks to a healthy Asian diet and an active upbringing. It wasn’t until my first career burnout in 2016 that led me down a pursuit of health. I returned to yoga, and through a friend, was introduced to the world of martial arts. I left my first startup and went corporate.

Corporate life at the Chinese conglomerate crushed my soul. I developed my second case of eczema and went through a brief episode of depression. My first case of eczema appeared during my university days - I was extremely passionate and dedicated at the time. I thought I was happy, but I was exhausted from working three part-time jobs while studying for two different degrees (and design school is extremely demanding).

In 2017, I quit corporate to pursue personal interests and enrolled in the Precision Nutrition certification course. Not long after, I dove into a new role at another startup and never finished the programme. I thought having a job with a guaranteed income meant stability and success. A year later, I was utterly miserable despite having a great team and believing passionately in our mission to empower behavioural change through micro-learning. 

I quit that job and contemplated becoming a monk or working on a farm. Instead, I asked myself what I was most passionate about. I desperately wanted to get into health and sustainability because I wanted to make the world a better place. At that time, there weren’t many options in Hong Kong but one biotech company stood out - it was a growth startup in genomics and diagnostic health, and they were expanding at the time. I tracked down the hiring manager and wrote him a long letter after going through his blog - I felt inspired. I had called the letter “my mission to the world” where I wanted to join the team and empower people to make healthier choices, and in turn, I believed those choices would positively impact our planet and society as a whole. 

I was fortunate to land a role that propelled me into the healthcare industry. I had an incredible but hard and honestly painful journey. Although I learned a tremendous amount and evolved as a person, a manager and a leader, I was suffering on the inside. My ego was on overdrive. Not only did I want to make an impact on the world, but I also wanted to prove that I was worthy. I focused so much on pleasing everyone else that I neglected myself. My eczema returned and it lasted for two years. Leaving the company was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I was on a fast-track path to success and I was extremely passionate about my work, but I was unhappy. I lost my energy and thrill for life. I was mentally and physically sick.

The brain has a direct effect on our stomach and intestines. Our gastrointestinal health is largely influenced by stress and chronic stress can inflame the gut. My gut was destroyed. I ignored my gut for two years until one day I just couldn’t carry on anymore. For me, severe burnout manifests in the form of eczema but it can show up differently for each individual. It took me 3 months on a strict eczema detox (i.e. low salicylate diet) to see the symptoms fade away and another 3 months for my gut to properly heal. 

It’s easy to fall into the passion trap and convince ourselves that there’s no gain without pain. While growth and happiness stem from challenges, there’s also only so much that we can take. When we ignore our gut intuition, we are essentially betraying ourselves, and our gut is usually always right. Somatic awareness allows us to tune into our body and inner compass. When we can break away from our conditioned mind and tap into our true selves, we’re able to listen more closely to our gut intuition and notice what makes us feel alive. Follow the loving and all that is within you. Walk that path wherever it leads you.

Three takeaways:

1. The power of letting go: it’s better to let go than to hold on to something that’s killing you.

2. The passion trap: no matter how much you love something (or someone), if it’s killing you then something needs to change, and you might need to let go.

3. Live smarter: there are other ways to do what you love without experiencing burnout - everyone is different so discover the tools that work for your unique being.

Right-hand then: two years with eczema

Right-hand now: happy and healthy!

Reinvent yourself

Some of you asked if I’m still on my career break.
Some of you asked, “Are you doing ok?”.

I’m thrilled to share that I’m back, feeling alive with gratitude and abundance! But do not be fooled. What was meant to be a short hiatus has turned into a permanent shift away from the rat race society. We are entering an age of great transformation.

Henry David Thoreau famously said, “Most people lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the graves with the songs still in them.”. This endless searching for things outside us in the pursuit of power, relationships, money and the modern idea of success is the root of our suffering. It doesn’t matter what we have because the source of all greatness has always been inside us.

We are meant to write our own story and carve a path for our unique souls to follow. We are meant to continuously reinvent ourselves until we self-actualise by following the loving and all that is within us. We have the potential to transcend the societal code of modern civilisation and rewrite the programme of our own human interface.

What a time to be alive!
Do not squander away your life. 

As for me, I spent the past six months healing, recharging and investing fully in myself:

• Jan - career break.

• Feb - started professional coaching hoping to become my own best coach. I’ve also been lucky to work with a few brave clients entrusting me as their coaching partner.

• Mar - hung out with James Nestor and a hundred other pulmonauts breathing for seven straight days. I spent another week with Mother Ayahuasca and experienced the power of neuroplasticity taking shape inside my brain. 🤯 Imagine the neurons in your brain like pistons firing and wiring the program in your mind.

• Apr - realised the role we play in all of our relationships. I re-evaluated my friendships, left behind a toxic relationship and rebooted my life. There’s an expression ‘third time’s a charm’ so round 3, here we go!

• May - went home to spend more intentional quality time with my parents and explore my birth home, Taiwan.

• Jun (this month) - I’ve been collaborating with an incredible team on an exciting new project. 🤩

Mostly, I’m thrilled to share that I’ll be wholeheartedly pursuing my own dreams and becoming the best version of myself that I can be. For the rest of 2023, you’ll find me trotting around Southeast Asia to farm and learn about permaculture and regenerative practices while building with bamboo. I’ll also be learning to drive - I know 🤯 - and finishing up my professional coaching course.

What a time to be alive!

Right now we are like caterpillars in the cocoon as it undergoes metamorphosis. Part of the process is to let go and follow the loving. Surrender to the deep knowing that we are always in a constant state of evolution, and so there is no true knowing, but a moving closer towards the source.

Stay tuned, with love.
Jenny

A theory of love

During one of my Ayahuasca ceremonies, I saw a little girl crying in the forest. She was alone and lost—lost in all aspects of that word. That child was me. I went into the forest and held that child telling her everything is okay and that everything will be okay. Then I took her hands, and together, we walked out of the forest.

One moment you think you’re healed, and in the next, you find yourself trying to surf the excruciating waves of emotion. The pain, anger, resentment, sadness, anxiety, isolation and all that suffering was the darkest shadow that ever clouded my head; it felt like dark matter creating life in this universe, and it took me back to a distant memory where a guide once told me to lean into the edge and conquer my fears. In that moment as I surrendered myself to the dark, I started radiating from within. I was glowing in the golden light of warmth and love; it was the heart guiding me back home to myself.

Our journey in the school of life seldom follows a linear path. We meander through unforeseen bends and encounter tempestuous storms for the universe persistently tests us with assignments that require deep and sometimes painful work that when embraced, can foster personal evolution from adversities—no one ever told us that growing up. Yet Mama Ayahuasca emerges as a wise mentor—both a harsh and loving mirror revealing the facets of ourselves ripe for growth and expansion. Through her unconditional love, she illuminates our journey through the shadows.

Joy and love, though often intertwined, are not interchangeable concepts. Love, however, is intrinsically linked to growth. Through each successive ceremony, you cultivate the ability to hold a sacred space for yourself as emotions rise up and out, spiralling forth from the deep wells of the heart. When you learn to sit with your emotions, you are holding space for that part of you to be expressed, to be seen, to be heard, and to be just as you are in this world. It's a journey of self-love unlike any other, for the responsibility for our emotional well-being rests ultimately upon our own shoulders.

When you allow the breath to emanate from a deeper place within your body, clarity rises and magic takes shape. The universe unfurls a world of endless possibilities as you surrender wholeheartedly. You become weightless, poised to ascend and glide with greater ease and grace in this world. Embracing this journey empowers you to conquer your shadows, live more fearlessly, and reign over your world unapologetically. You stand as your own statue, resilient and towering, a bastion against life's stormy weather, while serving as your north star to guide and align your soul's purpose. When you immerse your total being in love, you vibrate at a higher frequency that goes out into the universe, giving birth to life.

Healing our path to mental health

One in eight people around the world suffers from a mental health condition. Depression and anxiety rose by 25% worldwide during the first year of covid. Since the pandemic three years ago, I embarked on a deep journey with myself that started with therapy. I share the story of this girl’s journey to bring mental health into the spotlight with hopes of inspiring people towards healing so that we can bring our best and authentic selves to work, home and everything in between. 

Life so far today

Infancy & Childhood

The moment I was born, life was always on the go. I lived in 3 countries, moved every 2 years and changed schools 3 times. Stability and stillness were foreign ideas from the start. Teachers used to hit me and publicly shame me because my nails were too long. In those early years as language skills were still in development, I lacked the vocabulary and tools to help manage my emotions, and so, I started to internalise my feelings. I still remember recurring nightmares of dinosaurs destroying the city and setting my world on fire.

School Age

During my adolescent years, I continued moving from flat to flat then dorm to dorm every 1~2 years. I sent myself to boarding school in a foreign country half the world away in search of my place in life. We were in class from Monday to Saturday with mandatory after-school sports. I worked randomly on Sundays trying to earn some extra allowance by calling up school alumni and asking for their donations. I was involved in various clubs and served as President of some. I didn’t know better and followed in the footsteps of my workaholic and extremely determined father (whom I’m grateful for). I found art, psychoanalysis, spirituality and rave culture. I thought I found myself, but I was really lost.

Young Adulthood

My transition into adulthood started at university in New York. I pursued two degrees over a five-year programme, during which I worked 2~4 jobs, an internship, and also one apprenticeship. I got into a bike accident that left me unconscious in the middle of the road with a broken nose. Shortly after, I won a design competition and was flown to Italy for a week. My ego was flying and smack, it hit the floor. Repeat. I fell in love for the first time and experienced 3 heartbreaks thereafter. I moved from New York to San Francisco, ultimately ending up in Shanghai not knowing a single soul except for my then-new boyfriend who passed away in a car accident shortly after our breakup. As a fresh graduate, I started my entrepreneurial journey when I joined a new startup as a designer to running the company as their co-founder three months later and shutting down after one year. I joined a local corporate unicorn that crushed my soul. A colleague walked up to me one day and said, “你的心中毒了.” The direct translation means “your heart is poisoned,” but really, she meant my spirit died. I experienced a short-lived depression. I was lost and found.

Adult-ing

I moved from Shanghai back to Hong Kong still riding my fast-track career to “success” and burnt out numerous times over. I switched jobs every 1~2 years. I had an ectopic pregnancy where I was being monitored in the ER for seven days during covid. My then-live-in-boyfriend moved out abruptly, shortly after the incident. Both my grandmas passed away and my aunt lost her battle against cancer. I experienced loss after loss in my family. I started therapy trying to heal myself. I found myself and then, in a total state of bliss, almost drifted away to the South China Sea until a fishing boat came to the rescue. I experienced 3 heartbreaks but was also lucky enough to experience love again for the second time 8 years later only to realise I was in a dishonest relationship that made me feel unworthy. I started to hate myself and fell into depression, almost losing my life. I had to fire a handful of staff for someone else’s mistake before I was then axed from the team—I lost my job after opening up to my boss about my mental health challenges, seeking for help and compassion. I was lost and found many times over. 

Healing, compassion and transformation

The endless pursuit for meaning and answers started to make sense as I looked inwards. Being gentle and compassionate helped me own my deepest, darkest truth without letting it define me. Sometimes we need to take risks and fail so we can learn how to pick ourselves back up quicker each time (and how to avoid falling in the future). And when life throws you curve balls, you learn to hit them out the park. We are all works in progress but a sure masterpiece. So don’t forget, you’re always evolving.

We can accept and be grateful for life’s hardships as they shape us into stronger beings. We can learn to shift and rewire who we are when we truly see into the core of our being and become who we aspire to be. As for me, here are the things that have defined me, some of which I’m working through:

1. Home was never a fixed point in space but forged on the go;

2. Which led me on an endless pursuit of meaning, purpose, and self;

3. As a result, I developed a natural desire to seek out adventures and explore the far reaches of Earth.

4. In a way, I was subconsciously lost.

5. I learned to embrace chaos;

6. I attribute that largely to my codependency, which showed up in many aspects of my life: career, family and love;

7. And a lot of that was shaped by my upbringing in an East Asian culture of suppression, collective (conformed) thinking, and social harmony.

8. As a byproduct, I was a big people pleaser and didn’t know how to set healthy boundaries;

9. Which led me to feel resentment and burnout many times over.

We don’t need to feel ashamed about our past because that’s where we find our lessons. We don’t need to feel ashamed about who we are because every one of us is unique and special, and that’s what brings colour to this world. We don’t need to feel ashamed talking about our challenges because mental health is a serious issue and a silent pandemic that surrounds us every day. It affects how we think, feel, and act and affects every stage of life. We might be able to foster a better understanding of each other by talking openly about our challenges, and perhaps, this will help us charter towards a healthier and more sustainable path forward. We aren’t alone in this journey.

As for me, life has a new purpose: one of finding clarity and sustainable being. With that, I promise myself a lifelong practice of balance and intentional living. I’m excited to share that I am taking my first career break, and have recently embarked on my coaching journey where I hope to become my own best coach to help bring clarity into my own world and to those around me so that we can be the best versions of ourselves, wherever we go.

Today, I invite you to reflect on how you are showing up in this world. Open up to the lessons and grow with authenticity, because you only get one life, to be truly you.

Data from the World Health Organization