You’re worth it

Three months ago, I cut off a relationship that felt impossible to leave behind. Shortly after, I ran into this person at yoga and finished class by crying down the streets of Wan Chai all the way back to Soho (that’s a 40-minute stroll across Hong Kong).

I took this video (below) to remind myself just how low I felt and to never again allow anyone, especially me, to make me feel invaluable and undeserving.

It’s so easy to share our joy, happiness and success with the world. And it’s so easy to hyper-focus on the “good” that the world sometimes looks too perfect like Barbie Land. But part of being human is to feel fully. Just remember, you are damn worth it and never let anyone make you second guess yourself.

Only my closest confidants know that I tried to take my life last year. I’ve never felt that low. Yeah, it’s not something I’m proud of but I took a lot of lessons away from it. I’m grateful for the relationship because it was one of my greatest teaching moments. Life is too goddamn beautiful and precious to just give it all up, or maybe worse, squander it away.

It’s crazy because that felt like a lifetime ago. I like to think it’s because of how much I’ve grown and how I try to live each day as if it were my last. The rest of the footage was taken at the wedding of my dearest two friends one month after I cried down the streets. No drugs, no alcohol. Pure joy. We were celebrating love, something we need to cherish in a world that has become so cold.

Part of why I’m also sharing this is because I see so many people suffering and withdrawn. We’ve been conditioned to feel fine when we’re not. We don’t want to open up because we don’t want to feel vulnerable. Maybe that’s part of the problem. We think everyone is out to get us. But deep down, I think we all reach for love, not just in the romantic sense but as family, friends and community.

The day I cried down the streets, I ran into a friend who just held me in his arms for an incredibly long moment of silence. We didn’t speak much after and continued down our separate ways. That hug and presence was all I needed.

I hope we can learn to be more present and open with each other. We are species that love love. Go out there and live your life. Hug your loved ones. Hug a stranger. Connect with the greatness out there but don’t be taken advantage of. Love and be kind. ❤️

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jenny Hsu (@ihsuyou)

Ego vs Soul: listen to your gut

I dedicate this post to my little sister.

It’s easy to follow the path most travelled and conform to the prescripted template of modern society. But if we walk the unconscious path ignoring our intuition, we inflict self-harm and sabotage our own happiness. Burnout manifests, as a result, in our negligence for ourselves and our health (physical, social, mental, emotional and spiritual). It’s a global phenomenon that needs no introduction - burnout is at an all-time high.

There are many reasons why people suffer from burnout. Whether the stress is due to unrealistic expectations, being in a toxic environment, a lack of boundaries or not having tools to manage negative emotions, burnout boils down to one single culprit: the work we’re doing doesn’t lead us to the path of self-actualisation. It manifests when we’re not in alignment with our mind, body and soul. That’s why passion can also lead to burnout. The idea of choosing a job you love so you never have to work a day in your life encourages the dysfunctional idea that you should do more of what you love, even if it kills you. 

When we are in situations that don’t work for us, our body sends the fight or flight response and our nervous system triggers distress signals to help us understand when something is in misalignment. Unlike the five senses focused on the visceral experience of the physical plane, our intuition gives us the capacity to pick up on energies and cues, to feel what our gut tells us, and to trust our inner compass. Our intuition is a subtle yet highly refined sixth sense that we can easily tap into and recognise when we are in touch with the embodied self, but to ignore it is to betray and deny our own existence.

---

I’ve been foolish many times when I ignored all the signs. Even though I knew something was wrong, I pushed on with my ego. I feel compelled to share my story after learning about someone close to my heart living with chronic depression, and a few days later, learning about a friend who was at the hospital for a potentially life-threatening condition that is linked to eczema.

I have battled three episodes of eczema during the past 10 years. Every single episode has been linked to stress and a poor lifestyle. While we all have certain genetic predispositions, they only contribute to roughly 20~30% of your overall makeup. There’s a saying that genes load the gun and the environment pulls the trigger because our genetic characteristics aren’t written in stone. Genes can be turned on or off based on our lifestyle choices. 

I took my health for granted because I’ve always been pretty invincible growing up—or at least, I felt invincible—thanks to a healthy Asian diet and an active upbringing. It wasn’t until my first career burnout in 2016 that led me down a pursuit of health. I returned to yoga, and through a friend, was introduced to the world of martial arts. I left my first startup and went corporate.

Corporate life at the Chinese conglomerate crushed my soul. I developed my second case of eczema and went through a brief episode of depression. My first case of eczema appeared during my university days - I was extremely passionate and dedicated at the time. I thought I was happy, but I was exhausted from working three part-time jobs while studying for two different degrees (and design school is extremely demanding).

In 2017, I quit corporate to pursue personal interests and enrolled in the Precision Nutrition certification course. Not long after, I dove into a new role at another startup and never finished the programme. I thought having a job with a guaranteed income meant stability and success. A year later, I was utterly miserable despite having a great team and believing passionately in our mission to empower behavioural change through micro-learning. 

I quit that job and contemplated becoming a monk or working on a farm. Instead, I asked myself what I was most passionate about. I desperately wanted to get into health and sustainability because I wanted to make the world a better place. At that time, there weren’t many options in Hong Kong but one biotech company stood out - it was a growth startup in genomics and diagnostic health, and they were expanding at the time. I tracked down the hiring manager and wrote him a long letter after going through his blog - I felt inspired. I had called the letter “my mission to the world” where I wanted to join the team and empower people to make healthier choices, and in turn, I believed those choices would positively impact our planet and society as a whole. 

I was fortunate to land a role that propelled me into the healthcare industry. I had an incredible but hard and honestly painful journey. Although I learned a tremendous amount and evolved as a person, a manager and a leader, I was suffering on the inside. My ego was on overdrive. Not only did I want to make an impact on the world, but I also wanted to prove that I was worthy. I focused so much on pleasing everyone else that I neglected myself. My eczema returned and it lasted for two years. Leaving the company was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I was on a fast-track path to success and I was extremely passionate about my work, but I was unhappy. I lost my energy and thrill for life. I was mentally and physically sick.

The brain has a direct effect on our stomach and intestines. Our gastrointestinal health is largely influenced by stress and chronic stress can inflame the gut. My gut was destroyed. I ignored my gut for two years until one day I just couldn’t carry on anymore. For me, severe burnout manifests in the form of eczema but it can show up differently for each individual. It took me 3 months on a strict eczema detox (i.e. low salicylate diet) to see the symptoms fade away and another 3 months for my gut to properly heal. 

It’s easy to fall into the passion trap and convince ourselves that there’s no gain without pain. While growth and happiness stem from challenges, there’s also only so much that we can take. When we ignore our gut intuition, we are essentially betraying ourselves, and our gut is usually always right. Somatic awareness allows us to tune into our body and inner compass. When we can break away from our conditioned mind and tap into our true selves, we’re able to listen more closely to our gut intuition and notice what makes us feel alive. Follow the loving and all that is within you. Walk that path wherever it leads you.

Three takeaways:

1. The power of letting go: it’s better to let go than to hold on to something that’s killing you.

2. The passion trap: no matter how much you love something (or someone), if it’s killing you then something needs to change, and you might need to let go.

3. Live smarter: there are other ways to do what you love without experiencing burnout - everyone is different so discover the tools that work for your unique being.

Right-hand then: two years with eczema

Right-hand now: happy and healthy!

Reinvent yourself

Some of you asked if I’m still on my career break.
Some of you asked, “Are you doing ok?”.

I’m thrilled to share that I’m back, feeling alive with gratitude and abundance! But do not be fooled. What was meant to be a short hiatus has turned into a permanent shift away from the rat race society. We are entering an age of great transformation.

Henry David Thoreau famously said, “Most people lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the graves with the songs still in them.”. This endless searching for things outside us in the pursuit of power, relationships, money and the modern idea of success is the root of our suffering. It doesn’t matter what we have because the source of all greatness has always been inside us.

We are meant to write our own story and carve a path for our unique souls to follow. We are meant to continuously reinvent ourselves until we self-actualise by following the loving and all that is within us. We have the potential to transcend the societal code of modern civilisation and rewrite the programme of our own human interface.

What a time to be alive!
Do not squander away your life. 

As for me, I spent the past six months healing, recharging and investing fully in myself:

• Jan - career break.

• Feb - started professional coaching hoping to become my own best coach. I’ve also been lucky to work with a few brave clients entrusting me as their coaching partner.

• Mar - hung out with James Nestor and a hundred other pulmonauts breathing for seven straight days. I spent another week with Mother Ayahuasca and experienced the power of neuroplasticity taking shape inside my brain. 🤯 Imagine the neurons in your brain like pistons firing and wiring the program in your mind.

• Apr - realised the role we play in all of our relationships. I re-evaluated my friendships, left behind a toxic relationship and rebooted my life. There’s an expression ‘third time’s a charm’ so round 3, here we go!

• May - went home to spend more intentional quality time with my parents and explore my birth home, Taiwan.

• Jun (this month) - I’ve been collaborating with an incredible team on an exciting new project. 🤩

Mostly, I’m thrilled to share that I’ll be wholeheartedly pursuing my own dreams and becoming the best version of myself that I can be. For the rest of 2023, you’ll find me trotting around Southeast Asia to farm and learn about permaculture and regenerative practices while building with bamboo. I’ll also be learning to drive - I know 🤯 - and finishing up my professional coaching course.

What a time to be alive!

Right now we are like caterpillars in the cocoon as it undergoes metamorphosis. Part of the process is to let go and follow the loving. Surrender to the deep knowing that we are always in a constant state of evolution, and so there is no true knowing, but a moving closer towards the source.

Stay tuned, with love.
Jenny

Slow down to speed up

The only constant is change, and sometimes, we need to slow down to focus on our growth as individuals. The more we try to rush through the process, the messier our road to transformation and the more we may need to course-correct our path. 

Major changes that happen within ourselves require us to step off the gas pedal and create space for awareness and attention to rise to our inner world in order for us to process internal transformation and external actualisation. Turning inward to fully embody our most authentic expression to gain clarity on what we genuinely seek allows us to move forward into what we are being called upon to manifest.

The story of the tortoise and hare illustrates the kind of success that comes to those with relentless dedication and steady pacing rather than those with quick and careless strokes. It’s so easy to get caught up in expectations and temporary pleasures that we’re spiralling towards self-destruction. We’re just chasing money, power and success, and frenzied over this addiction to faster living and instant gratification that we have forgotten the important lessons woven into our classic bedtime stories. Moving fast can cause us to suffer, along with our sense of self, well-being and happiness. 

Sometimes we need to pace the speed of our work and slow down for moments of deeper dialogue and understanding before speeding up. When we set our intention towards the outcomes we want to emerge, we will have greater control and focus over our work as a whole because that’s the law of attention - where attention goes, energy flows.

How often have you heard a trainer say, "Stop rushing through the exercises?". How many encouraged you to slow down and break apart each movement until you understood and practised the sequence to perfection?

Clarity comes from our willingness to slow down to look at what’s happening and listen to what’s truly important. It’s the gift of time that allows us to reconnect with ourselves, figure out our goals, embrace the moment to try new things, learn a new skill and evolve our identity. Through presence and awareness, our capacity grows in abundance.

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” - Lao Tzu

The art of letting go

Change requires us to venture into unknown territory that usually comes with doubt, fear and uncertainty. But if we allow ourselves to surrender, we open up space to be more present, bringing a peace of mind and clarity that helps us navigate through the dark and bloom into the light. 

I wanted to take a stroll down memory lane as a way to remind myself how liberating it is to let go and empower myself to release the last few strands that I’ve been clinging onto. I hope this resonates with those who are also feeling stuck and serves as an inspiration for us to live more freely.

My first meeting with Death

Two years ago, I blissfully drifted out to the South China Sea. A yacht that sped past abruptly stopped and coursed its way back. The crew and guests onboard worried I was adrift and needed help. Completely oblivious to the changing weather, I dismissed their help and insisted on paddling myself back to the distant land where I had set camp. They reluctantly left, and at that moment, I woke up to my reality: a storm was coming through. I started to paddle.

No matter how fast or slow I went, I couldn’t compete with the moving currents. I abandoned my floaty and tried to swim only to exhaust myself after swallowing mouthfuls of the ocean. I retreated to my float realising that I was adrift (and likely to reach the Philippines in seven days if the currents continued moving in the same direction).

I’ve been practising equanimity, knowing any attempt to cling onto life (i.e. to hold onto our attachments) would only lead to anxiety and suffering. So I slowed my breath, accepting death with each exhalation and easing into my "Cast Away” experience with each inhalation. Then, in the moment of acceptance, out of the blue, a local fishing boat appeared and I wavered my arms and screamed for all the hope in my lungs. After what felt like an eternity, a woman emerged out of the ship’s quarters and caught sight of my desperate call. Her husband retrieved me out of the ocean and they took me back to the beach from where I came. 

Surrendering the body

During a recent breath retreat in Costa Rica, I experienced an unforgettable out-of-body encounter where I felt my spirit leaving the body. There was no clock or timer, just my breath calibrating the mind, body and soul into the frequency of the music guiding us through our breathwork. It happened to be quite an emotional journey where I could feel a lot of deep-rooted pain and suffering rise up and out—it felt so liberating.

I felt so light like a feather drifting upwards towards the clouds. I felt my entire physical existence evaporate into the universe when “Hymn To The Soul” came on and it was in this liberated space where I managed to hold my breath for the entirety of the song (5 minutes and 39 seconds), breaking the longest breath retention record I’ve ever held. I have been practising breathwork for the past two years but I’ve never been able to push past a two-minute breath hold; it was the act of surrendering that allowed me to become unbounded and untethered to the physical body in this three-dimensional world and experience the transcendental state of pure consciousness.

The power of letting go

The art of surrendering is an active process of leaning into our fears. A true master of the art knows to let go of attachments (an idea, identity, belief, feeling and object) that keep a person held back. It is in that space where we surrender, something beautiful happens. A gentle force awakens that allows us to tune into the natural rhythm of the universe and thrive with more peace and happiness. We become liberated to make conscious choices that bring us closer to the things that align with our true inner compass.

With those thoughts, I leave you to ponder further with Alan Watts’ “Falling Into Love”:

Well now really when we go back into falling in love. And say, it's crazy. Falling. You see? We don't say "rising into love". There is in it, the idea of the fall. And it goes back, as a matter of fact, to extremely fundamental things. That there is always a curious tie at some point between the fall and the creation. Taking this ghastly risk is the condition of there being life. You see, for all life is an act of faith and an act of gamble.

The moment you take a step, you do so on an act of faith because you don't really know that the floor's not going to give under your feet. The moment you take a journey, what an act of faith. The moment that you enter into any kind of human undertaking in relationship, what an act of faith. See, you've given yourself up. But this is the most powerful thing that can be done: surrender. 

See. And love is an act of surrender to another person. Total abandonment. I give myself to you. Take me. Do anything you like with me. See. So, that's quite mad because you see, it's letting things get out of control. All sensible people keep things in control. Watch it, watch it, watch it. Security? Vigilance Watch it. Police? Watch it. Guards? Watch it. Who's going to watch the guards? So, actually, therefore, the course of wisdom, what is really sensible, is to let go, is to commit oneself, to give oneself up and that's quite mad. So we come to the strange conclusion that in madness lies sanity.

---

The album from my Cast Away experience

Me on my float roughly 20 minutes before the yacht passed and I realised I was adrift.

Roughly where I drifted.

Are you happy?

Being yourself is the greatest gift you can give to the world. You only get one life so make every moment count. And if it’s not making you happy then it’s keeping you stuck.

We live in a world that moves so fast, and often to the rhythm of other people’s beats. We are rarely encouraged to slow down, feel and process - especially in the workplace. Some of us will even drink from the firehose that gladly keeps pumping while it reaps the benefits from those who keep chugging. Because we’re always chugging, we don’t have the time to slow down and ask ourselves the important questions that matter:

1. What is happening in your life right now?

2. How do you feel about it?

Think about these questions one at a time before you jump to a response, one at a time. Find a quiet space where you are alone and take a few mindful breaths. Reflect deeply through the process of writing, and be honest because you only need to answer to yourself.

Honesty takes courage, even if the truth is painful. Choose courage over comfort and lean into the fear because that is where you’ll find yourself. So find the courage to go within and embrace the journey. Trust the process because things are about to get magical. ✨

📷 @lesliedwight 

The meaning of life

Maybe the meaning of life is to live your life so authentically that you don’t even know you’re dead. You don’t know because you’re not actually dead. You never left because your spirit lives on forever, and you are the full embodiment of bliss and oneness living in a total state of harmony with yourself and the universe.