Is it worth a dam?

Water isn't just a resource; it's the lifeblood of our planet. Yet, instead of empowering communities to steward this vital element, essential for all living organisms on Earth, the systemic privatisation of water alongside the proliferation of dams poses an insidious threat to our survival. It leaves us at the mercy of a select few who monopolise water as an asset and commodity to gain power and control. Pressing social, political, economic, and environmental crises demand that we rethink everything, worldwide.

I'm not here to bash dams outright. Yes, they may offer short-term gains, but at what cost? These colossal structures, with their artificial design and ecologically disruptive presence, wreak havoc on our climate, freshwater reserves, and precious biodiversity. I question their design and fundamental purpose: why do they exist in the first place? If dams are meant to store water and provide life, then they are not fulfilling their job well. I urge those in charge to reevaluate the dam infrastructure.

The dam greedy

Climate change was believed to be the culprit behind the disappearance of Laguna de Aculeo, what was once a beautiful blue lake in central Chile until it was dried out in 2018. However, a 2022 study found “undisputable evidence that this natural body of water disappeared primarily because of anthropogenic factors”—mainly through the diversion of rivers and pumping of groundwater from aquifers that once replenished the lake. All of this happened because Chile's constitution, enacted in 1980 by General Augusto Pinochet's military dictatorship, protected the private ownership of water. The 1981 Water Code also enabled the government to grant permanent and transferable water rights to private owners, free of charge.

Chile’s water problem flows deeply in other countries. Specifically, the corruption of governments who exploit the gift of Mother Nature, designed to free flow abundantly to all, for their own selfish gains. This exploitation extends beyond the government and into self-serving corporations like Nestlé—not any new revelation here—who have long been monopolising water supplies worldwide for profit and control.

Last summer, volunteering on climate restoration projects, exposed me to the consequences of Bali’s rampant corruption in water privatisation, driven primarily by the demands of the island’s tourism-dependent economy. Since the 1950s, Bali's tourism industry has surged at an unprecedented rate, outstripping its capacity to sustain the escalating demands. The Telaga Tunjung Tabanan Dam, constructed around 2002–2003, initially served as a beacon of hope by promising farmers access to clean water. However, this promise was shattered as the majority of its water was diverted to luxury villas and tourist hotspots in Southern Bali (Uluwatu—where there is no water—Canggu, Kuta, and Seminyak, as some of the destinations), leaving local farmers with limited access and dwindling supplies.

Construction expanding the Telaga Tunjung Tabanan Dam, recorded in September 2023.

Back in 2012, it was estimated that roughly 60% of Bali’s water was consumed by the tourism industry. The average tourist consumes about 150–200 litres per day, compared to the 30–50 litres used by locals. When factoring in the water usage of luxury resorts and villas, the consumption per tourist skyrockets to an estimated 2,000 to 4,000 litres (528 to 1,057 gallons) per day. This excessive demand from tourism has out-competed local demands for water, placing a severe strain on residents and farmers alike.

During the production of an upcoming documentary series Overbooked, we met with local Balinese farmers grappling with the impacts of mass tourism. One farmer shared his challenges with the Telaga Tunjung Tabanan Dam. Just a few years after the dam went into operation, he was forced to switch from growing rice to corn cultivation due to water scarcity. However, even with this transition to a less water-intensive crop, we saw how dry his land had been and the increasing difficulty he faced in harvesting a good yield. The lives of the farmers in Tabanan, a region once hailed as the “rice bowl” of Bali, are in jeopardy because of water privatisation and mismanagement.

Filming of documentary series ‘Overbooked’ in Bali 2023. I am not directly involved with the production. I was volunteer with non-profit Tri Hita Karana Bali, where the founder, Chakra was being interviewed.

Our damned history 

The first humans known to build dams were the ancient Mesopotamians who built the Jawa Dam around 3,000 BCE. Dams have been around for thousands of centuries. Throughout human civilisation, dams have provided a steady source of water supply to growing populations. By 1997, there were an estimated 800,000 dams worldwide. The widespread construction of dams has been described as the largest anthropogenic (human-caused) alteration of freshwater hydrological conditions.

According to current estimates by the International Commission On Large Dams, there are close to 62,000 ‘large’ dams worldwide that store roughly one-sixth of the globe’s total annual river flow into our oceans. This discounts the number of small dams and reservoirs, roughly 16 million of them, that exist around the world. Although dams bring certain benefits like storing freshwater supplies, providing renewable energy and preventing floods, they have been incredibly destructive to our environment.

Dam climate impact 

Water loss due to evaporation

Contrary to the belief that dams hold and store water, they actually contribute to significant water loss worldwide. Large surface areas accelerate evaporation because they provide more space for water to escape into the atmosphere. With larger surface areas like our dams and reservoirs, more water molecules are exposed to the sun’s energy, allowing them to break free from their liquid state and transition into vapour. The amount of water lost due to evaporation could be a significant proportion of the total water stored, where annual losses could be up to 50% of the dam’s total storage volume. Further, dams trap nutrient-rich sediments that foster the growth of aquatic plant life. These plants draw water from the reservoir, contributing to additional water loss through their transpiration process. It is estimated that 170 cubic kilometres of water evaporate from the world’s reservoirs each year, accounting for 7% of all freshwater consumed by humans.

Loss of critical biodiversity

Dams have played a significant role in the staggering 84% decline in observed freshwater populations since 1970. They disrupt the natural flow of life by dividing rivers, creating upstream/downstream habitats, and blocking essential migratory pathways critical to the survival of certain species. This interference also affects the movement of organic matter, depriving ecosystems of essential nutrients.

Take for instance, Asia’s longest river, where over 50,000 dams were built in the past half century. Species like the Yangtze sturgeon and Chinese paddlefish—who survived extinction during the era of dinosaurs, but failed to survive human intervention—were declared extinct by the IUCN in 2022. Similarily, the Baiji dolphin has vanished from existence after the construction of The Three Gorges, the world’s largest hydropower project. The Three Gorges dam has resulted in unprecedented biodiversity loss for over 6,000 plant species, 500 terrestrial vertebrates and over 400 species of fish. Here are just a few examples of the significant biodiversity loss resulting from the construction of dams.

Increased greenhouse gas emissions

When dams are flooded, large reservoirs are created where vast amounts of organic material submerge underwater, facilitating the anaerobic decomposition of rotting vegetation. This process releases greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide and methane. Methane, in particular, is produced at the bottom of the reservoir, where oxygen is limited and bacteria decompose already present organic matter and those carried by the dam's flow. A study published on BioScience found that dams emit more methane than natural wetlands, lakes, ponds, and rivers combined. Researchers from the same study approximate one billion tonnes of greenhouse gases get emitted by dams each year, accounting for 1.3% of total anthropogenic (human-influenced) emissions.

Flooding of carbon sinks

Dams demolish carbon sinks that play a vital role in the carbon cycle by drawing CO2 from the atmosphere. Carbon sinks are crucial for maintaining balance on Earth as they absorb more carbon than they release, offsetting a significant portion of carbon emissions that help to stabilise our global climate. The world’s biggest sinks are found in our oceans, forests and soil. Unfortunately, dams are frequently built over rivers, valleys, and forests, destroying extensive 'green' areas, home to all different kinds of life.

As reservoirs fill up, upstream areas like our forests become flooded. The drowning of forests essentially eliminates their function as a carbon sink, and worse, the drowned vegetation releases powerful greenhouse gases during their decomposition process. Dams indirectly promote other environmental altercation such as increased deforestation for agriculture and urban development. When we lose our forests, we also lose our rainfall. It’s a vicious cycle spiralling us towards all types of shortages where there won’t be enough resources on Earth.

The impediment of sediments travelling downstream also means fewer nutrients get transported to downstream rivers and oceans. This diminished nutrient supply leads to a gradual loss of ecologically important vegetation and coastal ecosystems that can sequester up to 20 times more carbon per acre than land forests. Although the performance of microalgae in carbon emission reduction has yet to be fully understood, a paper published in 2016 in Nature Geosciences estimates that sea kelp can sequester around 200 million tons of carbon dioxide per year—that’s more than the annual emissions of the state of New York.

We be dammed if we don’t change

Free-flowing rivers are some of the rarest and most endangered ecosystems in the world. In a 2019 study published in Nature, 12 million kilometres of rivers were assessed worldwide. Of rivers longer than 1,000 kilometres, only 37% of them remain free-flowing while 23% flow uninterrupted to the ocean—that’s less than a quarter. Based on damming plans for the future, it is estimated that up to 90% of all rivers will be fragmented by 2030. The loss of connectivity will mean a big dam problem.

Today, 27% of known freshwater species are threatened with extinction. While freshwater ecosystems cover just 1% of Earth’s surface, they are home to over half of all known fish species. This is the equivalent of animal protein for 158 million people. With freshwater river ecosystems disappearing three times faster than forests, we risk losing multiple freshwater populations needed to sustain life on Earth.

It doesn’t matter that dams have provided for agriculture, drinking water, and energy. Their ecological footprint is too damaging and will only leave us parched—and hungry. Needless to say, there will be more challenges, besides thirst and hunger, that we will have to face if we don’t change. Yes absolutely, it won’t be easy, but there is more than enough proof that a whole-systems thinking approach to the design of our future works. When you have experienced the magic of permaculture, you will see how “infrastructures” can coexist harmoniously with nature because they draw inspiration directly from her. We need to restore our relationship with Mother Earth because she is our biggest teacher and the greatest gift.

P.S. There really is hope. Three years ago, when a series of dams on the Hiitolanjoki River were dismantled, wild salmon started returning to the river after years of absence. So, Finland started removing more of their dams, especially considering assessments that showed their energy production was no longer worth it. Every time a dam was removed, salmon returned to embrace the newly opened section of the river, extending their habitat upstream towards their historic spawning grounds.

Recently, water along a portion of the Klamath River—running 414 kilometres (257 miles) through Oregon and California, ending in the Pacific Ocean—flowed freely for the first time in more than 100 years. For decades, the river was blocked by four hydroelectric dams—J.C. Boyle, Copco No. 1, Copco No. 2, and Iron Gate. The demolition of the Klamath dams is considered the largest-ever dam removal project in the United States, and if the extremely divided USA can pull this off, so can the rest of the world.

Dam removal is not new but we need to demand more changes: let our rivers flow. Just like how the human flow state benefits our health and productivity, the same can be said when nature is in flow.

P.P.S. Enjoy below 💙

We need to change to solve the water crisis

Amidst a personal journey of healing and self-discovery last year, I found solace and wonder in the lush jungles and vanishing rice fields of Bali. I felt lucky to experience the abundant nature of Mother Earth, yet I couldn’t shake the sobering reality of our looming climate crisis: we’re running out of water.

The Indonesian Ministry of Environment and Forestry has officially declared that 260 out of its 400 rivers have dried up—more than half of Bali's freshwater resources have vanished. Excessive groundwater pumping is causing the island's water table to plummet and permitting salt-water intrusion that contaminates what little freshwater remains.

Water scarcity is a global crisis, starkly evident in various regions with devastating impacts on both developed and developing countries. In Chile, prolonged droughts are wiping out crops, leading to significant economic losses and threatening food security for millions. Similarly, in California, ongoing droughts have been squeezing water supplies, fuelling wildfires, and forcing cities to enforce strict water rationing. The water crisis knows no borders and affects us all.

In the words of George Monbiot, “there’s an almost total failure among powerful interests to acknowledge that this is just one instance of a global problem, a problem that should feature at the top of the political agenda” as an urgent crisis for humanity. No, it’s not just an environmental crisis—nature will inevitably restore balance to thrive, but our very existence as humans hangs in the balance. Ignoring this reality could lead to catastrophic consequences for us as a species.

While I don’t feel comfortable leaving people with such pessimism, we need to face the mirror and talk about our problems so we can pull ourselves together to pave the way forward. There is always hope for humanity if we can shed our egos—and self-serving elites.

My time last year volunteering on environmental conservation projects and building regenerative ecosystems taught me that solutions exist. But they necessitate a fundamental shift in our systems and outdated policies that no longer serve our collective well-being. We need to rediscover our purpose on this planet and prioritise peace and prosperity to thrive better than we have ever before. 💚

Healing eczema and your gut

My tryst with eczema began during my university years around 2011, emerging on the thumb and index finger of my dominant hand. The demands of a hands-on Product Design degree amplified the struggle, with patches of skin incessantly itching, opening up lesions that refused to stop bleeding. Every touch hurt; every graze burned. The second episode unfolded in Shanghai as a small patch on my face while I hustled through the techscape as an entrepreneur and then a large corporate employee. Then, in 2018, I went to war with my skin. Eczema launched a full-scale assault on my right hand (and occasionally the left) for two relentless years.

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Living with eczema was more than painful; it was physically and emotionally exhausting. Tired, agitated, and withdrawn from social life, my emotional state, already strained by a demanding and stressful career in—ironically—health and consumer genetics, was further exacerbated by eczema. The condition seemed to amplify everything. Coping with the pain and discomfort day in and out drained my energy and emotional bandwidth, leaving little room for much else. Above all, there's an overpowering sense of shame and embarrassment associated with skin that appears unhealthy and repulsive to some—an emotional burden that can be a lot for any human to endure.

Determined to find relief, I embarked on a quest to heal my skin. I explored various remedies, from Traditional Chinese Medicine to unconventional practices like dunking my hands in petroleum jelly and sleeping with them in cotton gloves. I experimented with topical steroid creams and, as a last resort, dabbled in pharmaceutical drugs. Despite my initial resistance, desperation compelled me to embrace conventional medicine for a brief period until it became evident how unsustainable it was.

At that time, Topical Steroid Withdrawal (TSW) wasn't in my vocabulary. However, with each attempt to discontinue steroid creams, my eczema flared with an insistent itch and burning sensation, aligning with the symptoms of TSW. High school memories echoed caution, as my teacher's battle with Redbull addiction led to hospitalisation due to severe withdrawal symptoms. Aware that reliance on Western medicine could cause withdrawal symptoms and compromise our immune response, I was determined to adopt a 'natural' approach and explore holistic solutions.

Deep within, I had a gut feeling that conventional approaches overlooked the root cause of eczema. I was very fortunate to live in New York City at a time when the study of the human microbiome was exploding mainstream. Exposure to this emerging science provided me with a foundational understanding of the crucial role of gut health. It wasn't until later, during my quest for holistic solutions to eczema, that I stumbled upon research articles linking the condition to a leaky gut (intestinal permeability). It was a no-brainer what I needed to do next: fix my gut barrier.

I feel compelled to share my journey after several individuals reached out for help, ever since I began to speak publicly about my eczema journey. Before diving into the specifics of my healing journey, let's establish a scientific foundation behind the eczema detox.

Forget genetics

It’s easy to blame bad genes for our problems, but the science is clear: genetics only accounts for approximately 20~30% of our overall health outcomes. Moreover, recent studies suggest an even lower percentage, often less than 10%, with an increased understanding of genetics and epigenetics. For the majority of diseases, including many cancers, diabetes, and Alzheimer's, the genetic contribution is limited to around 5~10% at best. The belief that our genetics are the primary determinant suggests that our fate is written into the stars and denies us a world of opportunities for a better and healthier future. Factually, we have much more control than we think.

The role of our microbiome

We are less human than we think—there are more bacterial cells in our body than there are human cells. According to a 2016 study, the total count of bacterial cells to human cells is approximately in a ratio of 1.3:1. This means there is more bacterial DNA than human DNA. What does DNA do? It contains the instructions needed for an organism to survive, function and reproduce. Every single cell in our body influences human physiology, metabolism, nutrition and immune function. With around 30~50 trillion microbial cells in a human, from as many as 1,000 different species, the microbes in our body are essentially running the show. The microbiome influences not only gut health but also whole-body health through its connections to immunity, inflammation, blood pressure, obesity, brain function and longevity. Everything is interconnected; there is nothing that our microbiome does not touch and control. The good news is that, similar to training our muscles, we can actually train our gut.

Healthy gut vs leaky gut

The mucous lining of our gut serves as a crucial barrier between our gastrointestinal tract and the rest of our body. A healthy gut barrier is designed to efficiently absorb and transfer nutrients—such as water, vitamins, and minerals—from our food to the rest of our body through the bloodstream. However, a compromised gut, often referred to as a 'leaky gut,' allows more than what is needed to 'leak' into the bloodstream. In this condition, the usually tightly knit cells of the intestines become porous, allowing undigested food particles, toxins and harmful microorganisms to pass through. Consequently, the body initiates an inflammatory response to combat these foreign invaders. As a result, the body's immunity becomes chronically weakened having to engage in a constant battle with itself 24/7, diminishing its ability to effectively respond to real threats, such as viruses and increasing risks that impact long-term health issues.

Source: Dr. Vincent Pedre

Source: Microbiome Labs

The role of a healthy gut

A healthy gut refers to the integrity of a digestive system that functions optimally where the microorganisms coexist in a balanced ecosystem that is essential to optimal well-being. It plays a crucial role in several key jobs:

1. Immune system modulation

2. Metabolism

3. Colonisation resistance (i.e. protects against infections)

4. Gastrointestinal motility

5. Gut integrity

6. Mitochondrial function

7. Nutrient absorption

8. Xenobiotic/drug metabolism

9. Production of short-chain fatty acids

10. Inflammatory response regulation

11. Blood glucose control

12. Mood regulation

13. Brain function

14. Ageing

Gut dysbiosis

Gut microorganisms, collectively known as the microbiota or gut flora, consist predominantly of bacteria, viruses, fungi and other microbes. Gut dysbiosis means there is an imbalance of microorganisms in the gastrointestinal tract where typically there is an overgrowth of pathogenic microorganisms (the bad) and pathbionts (the ugly) over their beneficial counterparts (the good). An imbalance of microbiota can alter immune function and speed up disease. Given that our microbiome is a complex ecosystem with a multitude of drivers that impact its physiology, some of the key factors that contribute to dysbiosis are:

1. Antibiotics: Antibiotics disturb the balance of gut bacteria by indiscriminately targeting both harmful and beneficial microbes.

2. Pharmaceutical Drugs: Certain drugs can disrupt the environment of the gastrointestinal (GI) tract.

3. Dietary Factors: A diet high in sugar and processed foods, low in fibre, or lacking in diversity can negatively impact the gut flora.

4. Stress: Chronic stress influences the gut-brain axis, affecting the composition of the gut microbiota.

5. Lifestyle Factors: Inadequate physical activity and other lifestyle factors contribute to the development of gut dysbiosis.

6. Age: The composition of the microbiota can change with age.

There is a growing list of diseases strongly associated with gut dysbiosis including alcoholic liver disease, antibiotic-associated diarrhoea, coeliac disease, Chron’s disease, ulcerative colitis, irritable bowel syndrome, SIBO, liver diseases, and non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. Other non-gut conditions associated with dysbiosis include Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, anxiety and depression, asthma, eczema, autism, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (CFS/ME), kidney disease, kidney stones, metabolic syndrome, multiple sclerosis, obesity, Rheumatoid arthritis, Type I diabetes and Type II diabetes.

The key takeaway is that cultivating a healthy and well-balanced microbiota is crucial for optimal health and longevity. This understanding provides a compelling motivation to take actionable steps and train our gut towards improved health outcomes. This principle forms the foundation of The Eczema Diet, the transformative approach that played a pivotal role in my complete recovery from a two-year battle with eczema.

I express my deep gratitude to Karen Fischer for the carefully crafted detox program as a result of her meticulous research on nutrition and eczema. The world of microbiome research and all those who have contributed towards this field are all heroes guiding us towards a healthier future. While we have never met, thank you for helping me eradicate eczema from my life.

The Eczema Diet

This is a three-stage detox program focused on enhancing gut health by reducing the body’s chemical load, facilitating liver detoxification, restoring pH balance and optimizing the ratio of essential fatty acids. Here is a diagram from the book 'The Eczema Diet,' illustrating how the programme works:

The ultimate goal is to enhance your intestinal barrier, allowing you to function—and feel—like a normal human again. The Eczema Diet, like most dietary plans, is not intended for long-term adherence but rather as a short-term aid in the restoration of your gut barrier. Following the Eczema Diet takes a lot of disciplinary action, but I was able to store my gut barrier through this three-stage process:

• Stage 1: Implementing a restricted diet limited to eczema-healthy foods only (e.g., low to negligible levels of salicylates).

• Stage 2: Gradually reintroducing foods into the diet as symptoms start to disappear.

• Stage 3: Establishing and maintaining a new, healthy, acid-alkaline balanced diet.

I skipped the recommended 3-day liver cleanse and jumped directly to Stage 1, adhering strictly to a consistent diet for one month. Looking back, considering more knowledge around how our body works, I would recommend starting with a liver detox to flush toxins and waste products to promote improved liver function. My initial diet primarily consisted of (many) pears, leeks, Brussels sprouts, white potatoes and chicken thighs—just because it’s tastier than chicken breast. Throughout this initial month, I focused exclusively on the mentioned foods, deliberately avoiding other items even if categorised as Stage 1. The goal was to introduce a limited number of compounds, providing my gut with the best chance of healing. Only in the second month, after seeing tangible improvements in my skin, did I begin incorporating additional foods that are still within the confines of Stage 1. Despite the constraints of using only rice bran oil and Celtic salt, I found the meals to taste rather delicious—particularly when baking the veggies! The challenge with adhering to this diet is when you're out and socialising with friends so I was always meal-prepping and bringing out my food, even to restaurants (call them in advance as a courtesy).

Within the first month, tangible improvements became evident. Despite occasional attempts to introduce foods beyond the Stage 1 list, I found myself reverting to Stage 1 for roughly three months due to worsened symptoms when deviating. By the third month, I was able to reintroduce Stage 2 foods (while maintaining most of Stage 1 elements) without any major flare-ups. Around the sixth month, my gut was confident enough to return to a normal diet. Although you might see progressive improvements during Stage 2, occasional flare-ups may occur. In such instances, I suggest returning to Stage 1 for a brief period to help lower the chemical load and facilitate gut repair. It's also important to understand the triggers behind flare-ups so you can minimise exposure and prevent future episodes until you have recovered completely.

For anyone genuinely seeking improvement in their condition, strict adherence to the diet is imperative. I've witnessed cases where individuals experiment with foods containing moderate to high levels of salicylates, thinking 'just a little bit' will be okay, only to find that their conditions never fully resolve. I liken this to the healing of a physical wound. Imagine having a scab that gets rubbed and jabbed while it's still recovering; each time you impact the wound, you interfere with the healing process and potentially risk infection and further damage.

Knowing countless friends struggling with skin diseases like eczema, and having personally endured it for two years, with intermittent battles over nine years, I hope this offers a clear, science-based path towards healing.

To a healed you,
Jenny

PS: I'm not a medical professional, so please don't take what I'm sharing as medical advice. This is a personal story, with a few references to support the science behind the detox process and how our bodies can thrive or struggle depending on the health of our microbiome.

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Above left to right: hand from two years of eczema to a happy recovered hand :)

Dear 2023

You’ve been the greatest gift that I could have ever asked for. You’ve given me the gift of acceptance and an inner knowing helping to transform the dark night of the soul into an eternal source of light. It is from that place of awakening that I am becoming.

For thirty-two years, I found myself trapped in loop. Everything that I was attracted to were moths disguised as butterflies. I painted the world in colourful rainbows instead of seeing things for what they truly were. I was reckless. I was naive. The truth was that I loved others more than I loved myself. I didn’t know better and didn’t know when to stop. 

It was from that place of constant giving that I finally lost myself. In the wreckage of 2023, I found the lost treasure hidden in the depths of the cold sea. What felt like a sinking ship became the life boat that I needed to rescue those parts of me scattered across the ocean. 

Born from the wreckage was the greatest awakening and I came to life. And through the pilgrimage, I arrived home to place of wholeness and clarity. I feel blessed to have lived so many lives. What a time to be alive!

Thank you, 2023.
💛 Jenny

The tree of life

For an extended period of my life, I nestled in the comforts of my own incubator. There I was, wrestling with the unknown, wanting to emerge, but worried I hadn't quite placed a finger on the pulse of this beast. I was afraid to show up, not knowing what to be.

But if you know what you want to be, then you inevitably become it, and that is your punishment. Oscar Wilde said if you never know what to be, then you can be anything. To be human is to realise that we are alive in a state of becoming. Accepting ourselves as mere nouns dishonours the human experience because growth requires strength and courage. To live is an act of faith and so being human is but a powerful verb in a constant state of evolution.

Be gentle because life is like the evolutionary journey of a tree that starts from a vulnerable seed growing with roots, often tangled and messy, that eventually rises into a beautiful and resilient tree, grounded even in the harshest conditions. Trust in the process with patience and compassion.

With love,
Yours truly.

P.S. I find a lot of joy in gifting cards to those who have touched my heart. Each card comes paired with a song to accompany those thoughts and feelings that I have laid down on paper. I wanted to start sharing the love here as well so I hope you enjoy the soundtrack to this post x

Tidal Wave

Let yourself recede
Deeply into the blue lull
Embrace the chaos of your displacement
For you are just in the process of nascence

You’re a force of nature
Bridging your transition
Towards a great transformation

Let yourself retreat
Quietly into the deep blue
Embrace the chaos of your homecoming
For you are only becoming

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You’re worth it

Three months ago, I cut off a relationship that felt impossible to leave behind. Shortly after, I ran into this person at yoga and finished class by crying down the streets of Wan Chai all the way back to Soho (that’s a 40-minute stroll across Hong Kong).

I took this video (below) to remind myself just how low I felt and to never again allow anyone, especially me, to make me feel invaluable and undeserving.

It’s so easy to share our joy, happiness and success with the world. And it’s so easy to hyper-focus on the “good” that the world sometimes looks too perfect like Barbie Land. But part of being human is to feel fully. Just remember, you are damn worth it and never let anyone make you second guess yourself.

Only my closest confidants know that I tried to take my life last year. I’ve never felt that low. Yeah, it’s not something I’m proud of but I took a lot of lessons away from it. I’m grateful for the relationship because it was one of my greatest teaching moments. Life is too goddamn beautiful and precious to just give it all up, or maybe worse, squander it away.

It’s crazy because that felt like a lifetime ago. I like to think it’s because of how much I’ve grown and how I try to live each day as if it were my last. The rest of the footage was taken at the wedding of my dearest two friends one month after I cried down the streets. No drugs, no alcohol. Pure joy. We were celebrating love, something we need to cherish in a world that has become so cold.

Part of why I’m also sharing this is because I see so many people suffering and withdrawn. We’ve been conditioned to feel fine when we’re not. We don’t want to open up because we don’t want to feel vulnerable. Maybe that’s part of the problem. We think everyone is out to get us. But deep down, I think we all reach for love, not just in the romantic sense but as family, friends and community.

The day I cried down the streets, I ran into a friend who just held me in his arms for an incredibly long moment of silence. We didn’t speak much after and continued down our separate ways. That hug and presence was all I needed.

I hope we can learn to be more present and open with each other. We are species that love love. Go out there and live your life. Hug your loved ones. Hug a stranger. Connect with the greatness out there but don’t be taken advantage of. Love and be kind. ❤️

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Courage

On the outside I am strong
On the inside I am soft
I am fragile because I love deeply
Exposing me to more vulnerability

On the outside I am strong
On the inside I am soft
But that doesn’t make me weak

I am soft and I am malleable
I am soft and I am adaptable
Resilience is my nature
And my greatest strength

I am strong and I am soft
But with a fragile heart
Because love is my true being

Ego vs Soul: listen to your gut

I dedicate this post to my little sister.

It’s easy to follow the path most travelled and conform to the prescripted template of modern society. But if we walk the unconscious path ignoring our intuition, we inflict self-harm and sabotage our own happiness. Burnout manifests, as a result, in our negligence for ourselves and our health (physical, social, mental, emotional and spiritual). It’s a global phenomenon that needs no introduction - burnout is at an all-time high.

There are many reasons why people suffer from burnout. Whether the stress is due to unrealistic expectations, being in a toxic environment, a lack of boundaries or not having tools to manage negative emotions, burnout boils down to one single culprit: the work we’re doing doesn’t lead us to the path of self-actualisation. It manifests when we’re not in alignment with our mind, body and soul. That’s why passion can also lead to burnout. The idea of choosing a job you love so you never have to work a day in your life encourages the dysfunctional idea that you should do more of what you love, even if it kills you. 

When we are in situations that don’t work for us, our body sends the fight or flight response and our nervous system triggers distress signals to help us understand when something is in misalignment. Unlike the five senses focused on the visceral experience of the physical plane, our intuition gives us the capacity to pick up on energies and cues, to feel what our gut tells us, and to trust our inner compass. Our intuition is a subtle yet highly refined sixth sense that we can easily tap into and recognise when we are in touch with the embodied self, but to ignore it is to betray and deny our own existence.

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I’ve been foolish many times when I ignored all the signs. Even though I knew something was wrong, I pushed on with my ego. I feel compelled to share my story after learning about someone close to my heart living with chronic depression, and a few days later, learning about a friend who was at the hospital for a potentially life-threatening condition that is linked to eczema.

I have battled three episodes of eczema during the past 10 years. Every single episode has been linked to stress and a poor lifestyle. While we all have certain genetic predispositions, they only contribute to roughly 20~30% of your overall makeup. There’s a saying that genes load the gun and the environment pulls the trigger because our genetic characteristics aren’t written in stone. Genes can be turned on or off based on our lifestyle choices. 

I took my health for granted because I’ve always been pretty invincible growing up—or at least, I felt invincible—thanks to a healthy Asian diet and an active upbringing. It wasn’t until my first career burnout in 2016 that led me down a pursuit of health. I returned to yoga, and through a friend, was introduced to the world of martial arts. I left my first startup and went corporate.

Corporate life at the Chinese conglomerate crushed my soul. I developed my second case of eczema and went through a brief episode of depression. My first case of eczema appeared during my university days - I was extremely passionate and dedicated at the time. I thought I was happy, but I was exhausted from working three part-time jobs while studying for two different degrees (and design school is extremely demanding).

In 2017, I quit corporate to pursue personal interests and enrolled in the Precision Nutrition certification course. Not long after, I dove into a new role at another startup and never finished the programme. I thought having a job with a guaranteed income meant stability and success. A year later, I was utterly miserable despite having a great team and believing passionately in our mission to empower behavioural change through micro-learning. 

I quit that job and contemplated becoming a monk or working on a farm. Instead, I asked myself what I was most passionate about. I desperately wanted to get into health and sustainability because I wanted to make the world a better place. At that time, there weren’t many options in Hong Kong but one biotech company stood out - it was a growth startup in genomics and diagnostic health, and they were expanding at the time. I tracked down the hiring manager and wrote him a long letter after going through his blog - I felt inspired. I had called the letter “my mission to the world” where I wanted to join the team and empower people to make healthier choices, and in turn, I believed those choices would positively impact our planet and society as a whole. 

I was fortunate to land a role that propelled me into the healthcare industry. I had an incredible but hard and honestly painful journey. Although I learned a tremendous amount and evolved as a person, a manager and a leader, I was suffering on the inside. My ego was on overdrive. Not only did I want to make an impact on the world, but I also wanted to prove that I was worthy. I focused so much on pleasing everyone else that I neglected myself. My eczema returned and it lasted for two years. Leaving the company was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I was on a fast-track path to success and I was extremely passionate about my work, but I was unhappy. I lost my energy and thrill for life. I was mentally and physically sick.

The brain has a direct effect on our stomach and intestines. Our gastrointestinal health is largely influenced by stress and chronic stress can inflame the gut. My gut was destroyed. I ignored my gut for two years until one day I just couldn’t carry on anymore. For me, severe burnout manifests in the form of eczema but it can show up differently for each individual. It took me 3 months on a strict eczema detox (i.e. low salicylate diet) to see the symptoms fade away and another 3 months for my gut to properly heal. 

It’s easy to fall into the passion trap and convince ourselves that there’s no gain without pain. While growth and happiness stem from challenges, there’s also only so much that we can take. When we ignore our gut intuition, we are essentially betraying ourselves, and our gut is usually always right. Somatic awareness allows us to tune into our body and inner compass. When we can break away from our conditioned mind and tap into our true selves, we’re able to listen more closely to our gut intuition and notice what makes us feel alive. Follow the loving and all that is within you. Walk that path wherever it leads you.

Three takeaways:

1. The power of letting go: it’s better to let go than to hold on to something that’s killing you.

2. The passion trap: no matter how much you love something (or someone), if it’s killing you then something needs to change, and you might need to let go.

3. Live smarter: there are other ways to do what you love without experiencing burnout - everyone is different so discover the tools that work for your unique being.

Right-hand then: two years with eczema

Right-hand now: happy and healthy!

Reinvent yourself

Some of you asked if I’m still on my career break.
Some of you asked, “Are you doing ok?”.

I’m thrilled to share that I’m back, feeling alive with gratitude and abundance! But do not be fooled. What was meant to be a short hiatus has turned into a permanent shift away from the rat race society. We are entering an age of great transformation.

Henry David Thoreau famously said, “Most people lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the graves with the songs still in them.”. This endless searching for things outside us in the pursuit of power, relationships, money and the modern idea of success is the root of our suffering. It doesn’t matter what we have because the source of all greatness has always been inside us.

We are meant to write our own story and carve a path for our unique souls to follow. We are meant to continuously reinvent ourselves until we self-actualise by following the loving and all that is within us. We have the potential to transcend the societal code of modern civilisation and rewrite the programme of our own human interface.

What a time to be alive!
Do not squander away your life. 

As for me, I spent the past six months healing, recharging and investing fully in myself:

• Jan - career break.

• Feb - started professional coaching hoping to become my own best coach. I’ve also been lucky to work with a few brave clients entrusting me as their coaching partner.

• Mar - hung out with James Nestor and a hundred other pulmonauts breathing for seven straight days. I spent another week with Mother Ayahuasca and experienced the power of neuroplasticity taking shape inside my brain. 🤯 Imagine the neurons in your brain like pistons firing and wiring the program in your mind.

• Apr - realised the role we play in all of our relationships. I re-evaluated my friendships, left behind a toxic relationship and rebooted my life. There’s an expression ‘third time’s a charm’ so round 3, here we go!

• May - went home to spend more intentional quality time with my parents and explore my birth home, Taiwan.

• Jun (this month) - I’ve been collaborating with an incredible team on an exciting new project. 🤩

Mostly, I’m thrilled to share that I’ll be wholeheartedly pursuing my own dreams and becoming the best version of myself that I can be. For the rest of 2023, you’ll find me trotting around Southeast Asia to farm and learn about permaculture and regenerative practices while building with bamboo. I’ll also be learning to drive - I know 🤯 - and finishing up my professional coaching course.

What a time to be alive!

Right now we are like caterpillars in the cocoon as it undergoes metamorphosis. Part of the process is to let go and follow the loving. Surrender to the deep knowing that we are always in a constant state of evolution, and so there is no true knowing, but a moving closer towards the source.

Stay tuned, with love.
Jenny