Healing our path to mental health
One in eight people around the world suffers from a mental health condition. Depression and anxiety rose by 25% worldwide during the first year of covid. Since the pandemic three years ago, I embarked on a deep journey with myself that started with therapy. I share the story of this girl’s journey to bring mental health into the spotlight with hopes of inspiring people towards healing so that we can bring our best and authentic selves to work, home and everything in between.
Life so far today
Infancy & Childhood
The moment I was born, life was always on the go. I lived in 3 countries, moved every 2 years and changed schools 3 times. Stability and stillness were foreign ideas from the start. Teachers used to hit me and publicly shame me because my nails were too long. In those early years as language skills were still in development, I lacked the vocabulary and tools to help manage my emotions, and so, I started to internalise my feelings. I still remember recurring nightmares of dinosaurs destroying the city and setting my world on fire.
School Age
During my adolescent years, I continued moving from flat to flat then dorm to dorm every 1~2 years. I sent myself to boarding school in a foreign country half the world away in search of my place in life. We were in class from Monday to Saturday with mandatory after-school sports. I worked randomly on Sundays trying to earn some extra allowance by calling up school alumni and asking for their donations. I was involved in various clubs and served as President of some. I didn’t know better and followed in the footsteps of my workaholic and extremely determined father (whom I’m grateful for). I found art, psychoanalysis, spirituality and rave culture. I thought I found myself, but I was really lost.
Young Adulthood
My transition into adulthood started at university in New York. I pursued two degrees over a five-year programme, during which I worked 2~4 jobs, an internship, and also one apprenticeship. I got into a bike accident that left me unconscious in the middle of the road with a broken nose. Shortly after, I won a design competition and was flown to Italy for a week. My ego was flying and smack, it hit the floor. Repeat. I fell in love for the first time and experienced 3 heartbreaks thereafter. I moved from New York to San Francisco, ultimately ending up in Shanghai not knowing a single soul except for my then-new boyfriend who passed away in a car accident shortly after our breakup. As a fresh graduate, I started my entrepreneurial journey when I joined a new startup as a designer to running the company as their co-founder three months later and shutting down after one year. I joined a local corporate unicorn that crushed my soul. A colleague walked up to me one day and said, “你的心中毒了.” The direct translation means “your heart is poisoned,” but really, she meant my spirit died. I experienced a short-lived depression. I was lost and found.
Adult-ing
I moved from Shanghai back to Hong Kong still riding my fast-track career to “success” and burnt out numerous times over. I switched jobs every 1~2 years. I had an ectopic pregnancy where I was being monitored in the ER for seven days during covid. My then-live-in-boyfriend moved out abruptly, shortly after the incident. Both my grandmas passed away and my aunt lost her battle against cancer. I experienced loss after loss in my family. I started therapy trying to heal myself. I found myself and then, in a total state of bliss, almost drifted away to the South China Sea until a fishing boat came to the rescue. I experienced 3 heartbreaks but was also lucky enough to experience love again for the second time 8 years later only to realise I was in a dishonest relationship that made me feel unworthy. I started to hate myself and fell into depression, almost losing my life. I had to fire a handful of staff for someone else’s mistake before I was then axed from the team—I lost my job after opening up to my boss about my mental health challenges, seeking for help and compassion. I was lost and found many times over.
Healing, compassion and transformation
The endless pursuit for meaning and answers started to make sense as I looked inwards. Being gentle and compassionate helped me own my deepest, darkest truth without letting it define me. Sometimes we need to take risks and fail so we can learn how to pick ourselves back up quicker each time (and how to avoid falling in the future). And when life throws you curve balls, you learn to hit them out the park. We are all works in progress but a sure masterpiece. So don’t forget, you’re always evolving.
We can accept and be grateful for life’s hardships as they shape us into stronger beings. We can learn to shift and rewire who we are when we truly see into the core of our being and become who we aspire to be. As for me, here are the things that have defined me, some of which I’m working through:
Home was never a fixed point in space but forged on the go;
Which led me on an endless pursuit of meaning, purpose, and self;
As a result, I developed a natural desire to seek out adventures and explore the far reaches of Earth.
In a way, I was subconsciously lost.
I learned to embrace chaos;
I attribute that largely to my codependency, which showed up in many aspects of my life: career, family and love;
And a lot of that was shaped by my upbringing in an East Asian culture of suppression, collective (conformed) thinking, and social harmony.
As a byproduct, I was a big people pleaser and didn’t know how to set healthy boundaries;
Which led me to feel resentment and burnout many times over.
We don’t need to feel ashamed about our past because that’s where we find our lessons. We don’t need to feel ashamed about who we are because every one of us is unique and special, and that’s what brings colour to this world. We don’t need to feel ashamed talking about our challenges because mental health is a serious issue and a silent pandemic that surrounds us every day. It affects how we think, feel, and act and affects every stage of life. We might be able to foster a better understanding of each other by talking openly about our challenges, and perhaps, this will help us charter towards a healthier and more sustainable path forward. We aren’t alone in this journey.
As for me, life has a new purpose: one of finding clarity and sustainable being. With that, I promise myself a lifelong practice of balance and intentional living. I’m excited to share that I am taking my first career break, and have recently embarked on my coaching journey where I hope to become my own best coach to help bring clarity into my own world and to those around me so that we can be the best versions of ourselves, wherever we go.
Today, I invite you to reflect on how you are showing up in this world. Open up to the lessons and grow with authenticity, because you only get one life, to be truly you.
Data from the World Health Organization
